I think your story is the perfect platform for the priorities of this unit - i.e. allowing the animation of your object to take centre stage. It's a lovely, sweet, and engaging story and I think it will play very well. In common with many of your classmates, it will be helpful to compare behaviours - so for example, reference expectant dogs awaiting their morning walks etc when you're looking for visual cues for the actions of your pillar box. Also - when it comes to the 'jubilancy' of your pillar-box, I want to encourage you to think imaginatively - and perhaps courageously! - about the using the full potential of the white space of your paper; check out this animation for a great example of a sort of 360 degree use of the space and your object; I can imagine how, when finally, your pillar box gets to celebrate its usefulness the plasticity of the animation could go through the roof! Technically, it's going to be a challenge, but hey! :)
http://vimeo.com/20793651
Your written assignment - lots of content, very promising - but I want you to really address your intro structure (and use of Harvard - which was still a bit wobbly in your Unit 4 assignment). You're mixing together your sources, reasons for using them and order of points, and while this is absolutely not a deal-breaker in terms of the merits of a good evidence-based assignment, I just want you to lay out your intentions more cleanly:
so, after your opening statement of intent, list your key sources and your reasons for using them. This way, you can keep things incredibly concise so just 'Key sources include...' (as opposed to 'This essay will). Then, list the sequencing of your discussion (order of points), which should essentially track the order of your paragraphs that follow. It's not that you're not doing this already, but I'd like to see you being very concise and business-like and by-the-book, because doing so will lend authority and formality to your opening gambit. Also, seek to cut out any proliferation of little, linking words, i.e. 'Next, it will use' or 'Then the essay will...' It's a style thing - and again - not a content-issue - rather a delivery and 'voice' issue. Just see how many of the little words you can kill off and still keep the flow.
Looking forward to all of this work from you, Chrissie! :)
OGR 20/03/2012
ReplyDeleteHey Chrissie,
I think your story is the perfect platform for the priorities of this unit - i.e. allowing the animation of your object to take centre stage. It's a lovely, sweet, and engaging story and I think it will play very well. In common with many of your classmates, it will be helpful to compare behaviours - so for example, reference expectant dogs awaiting their morning walks etc when you're looking for visual cues for the actions of your pillar box. Also - when it comes to the 'jubilancy' of your pillar-box, I want to encourage you to think imaginatively - and perhaps courageously! - about the using the full potential of the white space of your paper; check out this animation for a great example of a sort of 360 degree use of the space and your object; I can imagine how, when finally, your pillar box gets to celebrate its usefulness the plasticity of the animation could go through the roof! Technically, it's going to be a challenge, but hey! :)
http://vimeo.com/20793651
Your written assignment - lots of content, very promising - but I want you to really address your intro structure (and use of Harvard - which was still a bit wobbly in your Unit 4 assignment). You're mixing together your sources, reasons for using them and order of points, and while this is absolutely not a deal-breaker in terms of the merits of a good evidence-based assignment, I just want you to lay out your intentions more cleanly:
so, after your opening statement of intent, list your key sources and your reasons for using them. This way, you can keep things incredibly concise so just 'Key sources include...' (as opposed to 'This essay will). Then, list the sequencing of your discussion (order of points), which should essentially track the order of your paragraphs that follow. It's not that you're not doing this already, but I'd like to see you being very concise and business-like and by-the-book, because doing so will lend authority and formality to your opening gambit. Also, seek to cut out any proliferation of little, linking words, i.e. 'Next, it will use' or 'Then the essay will...' It's a style thing - and again - not a content-issue - rather a delivery and 'voice' issue. Just see how many of the little words you can kill off and still keep the flow.
Looking forward to all of this work from you, Chrissie! :)